Half a Table

turn on summer like a slot machine

Dear Internets-
I am up before the sun again. I woke up with the electricity of anxiety around my heart, and nothing would calm it. I finally gave in and dressed to run, which I have not done in three weeks. I am not a runner, but at 5:45 in the morning there’s not a whole lot else I can motivate for. Now I am sitting on my stairs (oh my favorite place to perch in my home, the middle of the spiral staircase, with the bookcase to my right to nicely hold my coffee).

As I ran the calculations were spinning through my mind. I don’t know if I am the only one for whom this happens, but calculations have become my constant companion. How many hours did I work? What are my unplanned for expenses this month (can I actually plan for something that is unplanned for?) What will the taxes be?

I was thinking back to a previous job, in which I planned and scheduled another person’s life. Part of that was arranging and getting money for travel. The company standard was a per diem of $50/ day. For anyone unfamiliar with per diem, it is the money that a person is given for food when they travel for work. I was thinking about what I usually spend on food for a day, and it is definitely not fifty dollars a day. I understand that per diem is to cover the fact that generally, when traveling a person does not have access to a kitchen, and therefore cannot eat on a budget.

It just gets me thinking about the ways that people travel through their lives. Or rather the way I travel through my own life. Where have I placed the emphasis in my budget? The fact is that I generally spend about $50 on my monthly grocery shopping trip. Although I suppose if I spent more I would likely eat at home more often.

I’ve been dreaming about my cottage again. In my head it’s a small affair, two bedrooms and an eat in kitchen with a small living area. The biggest part of my cottage is the garden. If anyone knows of a small cottage on a large piece of land that is available for cheap, please let me know.