She’s addicted to nicotine patches
Nov0
I have been feeling incredibly anxious over the past three days with no real reason. And when I say no real reason I don’t mean that there are a number of small reasons that seem stupid to me. I mean that there is nothing causing my anxiety that I can put my finger on. I sit down and try to think about what is stressing me out and I deal with each problem as it arises and the anxiety remains.
Someone suggested to me that many people find it helpful to create a “safe place” in their mind, where they can go and envision the way that all five senses will react to the surroundings, where they can be in control, and slowly bring that feeling back into the rest of their mind… calming heart rate and breathing.
I new instantly where my safe place was. At the end of high school I suffered from insomnia and one of the only ways I could think of to fall asleep was to go snowboarding in my head. I could envision every aspect so clearly in my head, from the numbness of my cheeks to the unique sound of the sub-freezing snow against the sharp edge of my board.
My safe place is perched above timberline at Copper Mountain on Christmas Day, when barely anyone else is on the slopes. There has been an uncommon amount of early season snow and the powder is deep and fresh. My boots are just tight enough that they don’t quite cut off my circulation, I can feel my bindings through the thick leather and inches of padding, and I know that once I face my board downhill I will not be a conscious being anymore, I will be air and water and speed.
Snowboarding is the only time I can recall in my life when I am not thinking. I exist solely in my body.
Shining Like a Work of Art
Nov0
I came into work yesterday morning to find this lovely gnome perched in my peace lily. These are the quiet things that simply make my day. Things for which people expect no thanks, or even acknowledgment. And thinking back on it, life is a little bit like that commercial where people see others doing kind things and pass the intention onwards.
I find that tendency most frequently in getting and receiving mail. It takes just a little tiny bit more effort than an e mail, but it feels infinitely more special.
It’s amazing how little effort, how little money, it takes to truly make someone’s day.
PS- This is what my peace lily looked like when I returned to work on Monday after being out all of the Thanksgiving week… Good thing they are hardy plants.
