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Originally uploaded by Rachel Ariel.

I’ve decided that it’s time to get off my happy ass and actually do something. My car *is* going in to get painted this week. I’m babysitting on Sunday, I’ve signed up for an online course, I’ve registered for a CPR certification class, and I’m working on finding some volunteer work doing something I’m really actually interested in.

And, I’ve set up a 6 month review appointment with my boss so I shall hopefully hvae fewer moments like this one.

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Originally uploaded by Rachel Ariel.

I attended a fundraising event for an organization called Women for Women international about a week and a half ago. It was in Los Angeles, which meant that I got to take a short trip and spend some time in the sun. The event was amazing. The organization sponsors women who have survived war all over the world. The woman will receive some spending money, job training, and classes about their rights. On the other side of the relationship, a person can sponsor a woman for $27 a month. They write to the woman and if it is possible, the woman may write back. It was amazing to hear some of the letters that came out of the countries served by the organization, women from Rwanda, Bosnia, and Sudan.

I just finsihed reading the memoir written by the founder of Women for Women International. She grew up in Iraq under Saddam Hussein and writes eloquently about the experience of having had Saddam Hussein chose her parents to be “friends” with, and the myriad ways that changed her life.

It was amazingly exciting to find myself surrounded by people for whom my life’s goals are a reality. I want to work on so many of the issues that Women for Women International is involved with. Creating sustainability, empowering and educating women, taking responsibilty for the effects inherent in living in the first world.

Today I looked into a correspondance masters in Public Administration from the University of Colorado. Something to do with myself before I start graduate school for real.

I just finished listening to the NPR piece on transorbital frontal lobotomies that originally ran on Wednesday during All Things Considered (“My Lobotomy” ).

It amazed and disturbed me. I can only imagine what it must have been like to live in an age in which a parent or guardian, a doctor or a spouse could decide that my unhappiness warranted an outpatient operation to keep me from feeling. Anything.

I was told an interesting statistic at a meeting on Wednesday night, that 1 in 5 Coloradoans is affected by issues of mental health. I have a difficult time believing that the statistic is so low. Considering my own life, I consider myself personally to have mental health issues which need work, I have had two friends commit suicide, and two attempt it. I have three friends diagnosed as being bipolar, I have a number of friends with anxiety disorders, and almost every one of my peers have dealt with issues of depression that went treated and untreated (far more have dealt with depression than have not). Even considering that I have always been happiest on the fringes of any large group, with the people who enjoy being on the fringes of large groups (the exception being Guilford, where there was no one main large group, only numerous fringe groups), thats a fairly considerable number of people in my life. And how many people do I know, and how many people do they know? I would be extremely hard put to find a single person in my life who has not been affected directly or indirectly by issues of mental health.

As much as I am wary of our pharmaceutical driven culture, if it were me (and I embrace a there but for the grace of god attitude when considering such things) I would much rather be on medication for whatever ailed me than have someone stick an icepick in my eyesocket and modify my brain function. The idea that any one person could wield such discretionary power over another, to change their brain, makes me feel on the verge of physical illness. I embrace my right to make my own decisions about my body. In this day and age that will 95% of the time translate into issues of abortion. But contemplate for a moment, the more far reaching effects of our cobbled together legal precedence regarding an individula’s right to privacy, life, and what happens to their physical presence in the world. Images from 1984, Brave New World and other such fictional prophecises flit through my head. Then I stop to think about the issues of the Patriot Act that are up for review, the changing Supreme Court, erosion of Habeus Corpus. Do you think it has not occured to someone in our government that a simple, ten minute, outpatient procedure and we could rest safe at night in our homes, knowing that all of the potential terrorists are no longer a threat?

Think about it.

a very kind note to a thief
Originally uploaded by prettyjjbean.

This is not my picture, it’s from one of my contacts on Flickr, but I love it, and I want to share it. I am constantly amazed by people’s ability to steal things that will have no meaning to them.

I love the idea that the robber will wantto play the little girl’s violin and not sell it. It reminds me of just how jaded I have become.

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Originally uploaded by Rachel Ariel.

Existential crises non-withstanding, it’s been a pretty low key week. I saw Laurel’s art opening at Pirate on Friday night, which was very nice. I never cease to be amazed at her ability. I have so much respect for artists of all kinds, those who really truly practice their art (unlike me, right now I feel like I’m mostly pretending). I think any type of art is so difficult to make a living doing, and to remain committed to it shows a strength of character that I sometimes find myself in awe of.

I wonder what it is about our society, in which we are taught not to trust others, to look out for ourselves. I remember so clearly realizing that I was the only person who could take care of me the way I needed to be taken care of, because everyone else was doing the same for themselves. And many of my friends have had similar realizations. I keep having to remind myself of that particular societal truth. And it is a societal truth, I think that we have only recently developed this tendency, and that it is perhaps the product of a first world lifestyle that embraces consumerism while people all over the world are suffering, dying, starving and wasting away to painful deaths from diseases we’ve had cures and vaccines for for the better part of a century.

I won’t apologize for preaching from my soap box in this little corner of the world that I claim as mine, I’ve placed my flag, and here I stand. Come and get me.